Day 2. So far no appearance of the masochist, “I can’t do this, is this gonna work?” within, remaining relatively cool and calm, I wonder if the amount of time I know I’ve got to go (15weeks and 5 days) is simply forcing me to remain relatively level-headed… I simply cannot afford to lose my shit yet?. Ah, the mysteries of the inner psyche, I’m sure Freud would have a field day, and no doubt relate it to me wanting to hump a donkey, or some such sex-related hidden desires I’m dampening for fear of releasing the inner Id.
Day 2. Not a bad day, yet not an especially fantastic day. Whenever the topic of antidepressants are brought up you often hear talk of being numbed, of plateauing upon an emotional plane, wrapped up psychologically in cotton wool, the volume of the crashing waves that make up life turned down, stuck on halfway. My husband not being here for any length of time is like that. A very key ingredient of wholeness if missing; if I was a cake, to Mary Berry’s disappointment, I would definitely have a soggy bottom.
Today my daughter, only daughter, got her ears pierced. Yes, after two years of nagging she finally has holes in her ears to hang tiny jewels from. Ah, I’ve gotta tell you there were almost tears (mine, not hers) it took all I had to face her and watch said piercing, I confess I am a little squeamish, I’m alright with my own pain but my child’s? Not so much. Luckily, my poker face stayed painted on and she was a heck of a lot braver than I felt inside. Things have definitely changed since I got my ears done many moons ago though (about 22 years ago!!!). Gone are the handgun like contraptions that really did make it seem like you’d been shot, one ear after the other (my mother proffering the sage advice that I couldn’t go around with only one ear pierced inspiring me to go through with the second). In are some nifty looking staple in the earring like things, two assistants, two ears done at a time. Bobs your uncle. No tears here! Needless to say she is incredibly pleased with the finished effect (I’m aware it’s gonna cost me a fortune and many swear words in lost cupcake, dragonfly, cherry earrings) my 11 year old son’s experience of Claire’s accessories? Not so pleased. Oh he’s definitely gonna be a man shopper – “why does it take so long to choose one pair of earrings; they all do the same job. This shop is weird”. How little he knows.
Here’s to a hopeful good sleep (the bed seems too empty – when my husband comes back it’ll be too small again, and I’ll have to readjust to sharing and not sleeping like a starfish again.. first world problems).
Day 3, I’m coming for ya.